Beautiful
by Juliejuliejulie
Summary: After Bella's transformation but before Alice's vision, Rosalie confesses some shocking revelations to Bella. Rosalie's POV. The story and characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.


A/N: First off, a huge thank you to Stephenie Meyer for writing such compelling, addictive and emotionally satisfying books. It's fun to write about these characters because they're so real! I'd also like to send a special thank you to Justine Lark and my friend, Monique, for feedback and/or corrections to the story. Thanks also to HonourDesperation for catching my spelling error!

Please send comments! If you like this story, please share my link with friends or add an alert so you can be notified when I publish more stories (which will be soon, I promise!!) Thank you, thank you!

After Bella's transformation in Breaking Dawn, but before Alice's vision of the coming Volturi, Rosalie confesses some shocking revelations to Bella in her cottage.

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Bella and I sat in two plush chairs, flanking the fireplace. The crackling fire, which seemed a permanent fixture in the little cottage, both kept Renesmee warm and added to Bella's idea of a fairytale home. The curling flames threw shadows across the beams in the ceiling and the walls, and Bella's face appeared rosy and even younger in the muted light.

Rain beat against the windows in a steady patter. If I'd still been a human, the rhythm would have lulled me to sleep. It was strange that I could feel such a reaction after so many years as a vampire, especially since I never spent much time sitting idly in front of a fire. Yet between the rain and the atmosphere in the cottage, it was easy to remember the lazy satisfaction of human creature comforts. For someone peeking into the cabin, they would have mistaken us for two ordinary women, fighting off the chill of the storm.

Edward hadn't returned from the house yet after spending all day researching with Carlisle. They still hadn't discovered anything in the month since Bella's transformation, but both of them were determined to find the answers that could help us understand Renesmee's accelerated development.

I'd arrived nearly two hours earlier. Thankfully the Dog had returned to La Push this morning to visit his father, so I didn't have to fight for my time with Renesmee. That mongrel drove me crazy! His sense of propriety and entitlement toward Renesmee irritated everyone, not just me. Bella and Edward tried to disguise their annoyance. They still felt a ridiculous lingering obligation for Jacob's "help" during Bella's pregnancy and the battle with the newborn vampires, but I was over that. Every time he came to the house, which was nearly every day, he tainted Renesmee with his reeking, flea-bitten stench. I hated it when she reached for him instead of me. I wanted to grab her from his filthy paws and run. Or snap his neck. I snickered. That would definitely be more fun. Then I wouldn't have to see his face or hear his inane blathering about blond jokes anymore …

Renesmee murmured in my lap, stretched out one leg, and snuggled deeper into the crook of my arm. I brushed a thatch of curls off of her forehead. _Oh, Nessie, when you get older you'll see. You deserve so much better than a nasty mutt. _

A clap of thunder rattled the windows, and I momentarily glanced at Bella. She met my eyes and smiled. Then we both shifted our attention back to Renesmee, she with a contented sigh.

In this moment, I felt incredibly fortunate. Nessie meant the world to me. I mean, she was lucky, too. The entire family adored her beyond reason, and she was the most protected child in the universe. And Bella and Edward as well—they shared an even stronger wordless connection now, almost like a visible energy exchange between them. I recognized the unspoken communication of true soul mates—the loaded glances and nods—from my own interactions with Emmett. But Nessie had added an extra layer to it—there were moments when I swore they could all read each other's minds. I occasionally felt a pang of envy when I caught them in a private moment, comforting myself by spending extra time with Nessie. I still couldn't believe how it had happened without Bella ending up dead. Not vampire dead, but _real_ dead.

Bella noticed the small shake of my head at that last thought. "Rose, are you okay? You've been quiet all day."

I adjusted Renesmee into my other arm, careful not to wake her. "Bella, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about for a while."

She noticed the seriousness of my tone and her smile disappeared. "Okay," she replied cautiously.

"I'm really happy that you joined our family. I know I acted unfriendly to you in the beginning, well, most of the time until after your honeymoon," I admitted with a laugh. "But I'm grateful that you're a vampire. I hope you know it—I do think of you as my sister."

Bella's eyes sparkled and she breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Rose. That means a lot to hear you say it out loud. I feel the same." She looked into the fire for a moment. "You saved Nessie, saved me. I owe you so much for your help during the pregnancy. I can't thank you enough for what you did for us."

I nodded. "I can only imagine what was going through your head when you called me from your honeymoon. Especially after I treated you so coldly. I'm glad you understood that I would help you. I would have done anything to save Nessie."

Bella paused, a strange gleam in her eye. "I know that, Rose. Even when I worried that I wouldn't make it, I didn't even care as long as Renesmee survived."

I wondered if Edward had admitted my thoughts to Bella during her pregnancy. For that month, the only thing that mattered was Nessie, with or without Bella. She was secondary to the miracle—the epitome and embodiment of everything I missed and lacked from my life as both a human and vampire. I didn't anticipate how my feelings would change for the both of them. While my dedication to Nessie continued to grow stronger, I honestly did love Bella nearly as much. I guess I didn't care if she knew the truth of my darker thoughts. I probably wasn't that subtle anyway, and Bella did admit that was why she called me in the first place.

"There's more I want to tell you, Bella." I took a deep breath and ignored the returning worry in her face. "I'm sure this sounds terrible, but I need to say it. When you were still human, I never understood why Edward was so fixated on you. I never understand why he pursued you, or why he would restrain himself from tasting your blood when you were just a lowly human. I always believed that you put our family in danger and weren't worth the risk." Bella frowned slightly. I'm sure I'd taken her by surprise with the sharp turn of the conversation.

"Do you remember the night of the slumber party? Your memory might be faded from so long ago." I recalled the occasion of my first confession to Bella on that evening in Edward's room. It seemed like another lifetime, so much had happened in the last six months.

"I admitted that I didn't like you. I was jealous that Edward chose you instead of me. It wasn't fair--all of the attention and immediate acceptance from Edward, and from the family. Why were you so special? That night I also told you that I thought you were making all of the wrong choices. You had everything I wanted, and planned to throw it away without fully understanding what you were giving up."

Bella started to say something, but I raised my hand to silence her. "Let me finish, please. When you called from Island Esme after Edward's horrible conversation with Carlisle, Bella, I was furious with you. I couldn't believe that you would kill your baby and then have the nerve to call me after what I'd told you about my own life. I truly hated you. When I understood how you really felt, and that you needed my help, something changed inside of me. It's hard to explain." I realized I'd been staring at the flickering flames, my voice raised almost to a shout. Nessie didn't stir, yet I took a deep breath before continuing in a softer voice.

"It woke up a part of me I thought was truly dead, Bella. I never, ever thought that I could experience the joy of a child after I'd become a vampire. Esme, too--she'd wanted children for decades and settled for us when she realized the impossibility of the notion. And then you came along—and suddenly the impossible was possible. I couldn't even bear the thought of losing this chance."

Bella hadn't blinked in a long time, and I couldn't read her expression. I continued. "I wasn't very sympathetic to your physical pain, I know. Honestly, there were times when I thought you weren't going to make it. I assumed that even if you died, Edward wouldn't try to kill himself again because he had Renesmee. He'd be miserable, of course, and he'd never escape the pain of your death, but he'd survive. And while losing a mother would be hard for Renesmee, she'd be okay with the love from the rest of us. Of course, we would have had to deal with the mongrel, always hovering and thinking he owned Renesmee, but even he would get over you since he imprinted on her. Ugh." I shuddered at the reminder of the idiot werewolf.

I could almost see Bella's anger rising off her like smoke. Before she could interrupt me, I pushed on. "What I'm trying to get at is after the birth of Renesmee, we all changed. Edward became relaxed, happy, _complete_. Esme, god, you have no idea how happy you've made Esme and Carlisle. And me. Bella, you've given me the most precious gift imaginable."

I sat up straighter. My shoulders tensed like coiled springs. I never intended to share this much with Bella, but once I opened the floodgates, I couldn't stop. "I told you a bit about my life before becoming a vampire. You know that Royce raped and beat me, that he left me for dead when Carlisle found me. Even though the transformation healed my physical injuries, and ensured my skin would never bruise or break like that again, that violation never healed on the inside of me. It did something…twisted the way I thought about myself, corrupted my sense of beauty into a punishment. All of these seemingly easy, simple things—a husband, a baby—in one night he robbed me of them, of everything. I'm glad I killed Royce. I don't regret that." I laughed darkly, trying to stay focused on the present, fighting the pull of that misery-soaked time of my life.

"I know it's not a good comparison. I don't even want to say Royce's name in the same sentence as Renesmee, but for whatever reason, the combined forces of destruction and creation, cruelty and wonder, are linked by the two of them. The brutality of Royce is nothing like carrying a baby, I'm not saying they're alike at all. But as I watched Renesmee wound you through the pregnancy, and the bloody aftermath of the delivery—it was like reliving some of that horror in a healing way. Seeing you experience this violent event that culminated into something beautiful—miraculous—forced me to confront my feelings about the end of my human life. It didn't happen right away—in fact it's only been the last few weeks that I feel any different. I'm not even saying this right." God this was hard! "I don't forgive Royce. I can't. But I'm freed from some of the poison he left inside me. The venom didn't heal those scars, but you, you and Renesmee did."

I paused. "I can't thank you enough, Bella. Thank you for your strength. Thank you for your will to live, and for all of the suffering and death that it took to create Renesmee. I apologize for my difficult behavior the whole time I've known you. I can finally see your specialness, Bella. I said I was jealous that you had everything I've ever wanted, but it's okay. Because now, I do too. I have this beautiful baby—my vicarious baby—_AND I have you_."

Bella opened her mouth but no sound came out. Her eyes were wide, and while she still looked upset, she didn't look like she wanted to knock my head off.

Finally, she swallowed and said, "Give me a moment, Rose. That's a lot to digest at once."

"No problem."

We listened to the rain slowing down to a drizzle and the quiet animal noises from the damp earth and trees. Bella added another log to the fire and a shower of sparks flew up the chimney. Nessie shifted again, this time burying her face into my stomach. Her warm breath tickled my skin. I counted the fluttery beats of her heart to one hundred before Bella spoke.

"You're welcome, Rosalie. I guess I wasn't expecting to hear it in such a direct way, or to hear…_so much_. You're welcome and I accept your apology."

I worried how she would react, but I couldn't stop. "There's more."

"Are you kidding, Rose?" Bella growled. "Do I need to remind you that I am still a newborn? I'm trying to control my emotions but you're making it very difficult."

I laughed. "The worst is over, I promise. The rest is even more complimentary."

Bella rolled her eyes. She steadied herself with a loud sigh. Clutching the arm rests and steeling her gaze at me, she breathed, "Okay. Spill it."

"Do you remember anything from your transformation?"

Bella blinked in surprise. "What? What do you mean?"

"Did you hear anyone talking to you during your transformation?"

She stared at me, shock and suspicion battling behind her eyes. "Not really, no. In the beginning, nothing existed except the pain. I didn't hear anything until much later, and then only snippets and Edward's breathing."

"Yes," I nodded. "Edward never left your side. Maybe a few hours into the transformation, I came into your room to talk to you. I started to tell you this, but then I realized that I was being cowardly. You might not remember what I said, so I decided to wait and tell you face-to-face. While I'm confessing my feelings to you tonight, I might as well be honest."

Bella resumed her wary, worried expression. "How much more honest can you get, Rose? What is it?"

"I guess that while I'm praising your strength, it's also another thing that makes me jealous of you. You didn't make a sound through your entire transformation. Not once did you scream, or cry, or anything. It really bothered me. I spent more than five days shrieking with agony and begging for death. My body convulsed constantly--it didn't lessen the pain—at times it made it worse. But I couldn't contain the agony of the burning torture as it seared through my body. So many times I'd been on the brink of madness. Even with Carlisle coaching me through the process, trying to comfort me, I still wished they would have let me die. Until I woke up, of course. Then I rejoiced in what I'd become, for a little while anyway. But you, you stayed silent. You were…you _are_ a lot stronger than I gave you credit for. Again, I'm sorry I misjudged you, Bella."

Poor Bella. I really dropped a bomb on her this evening. I hope she knew that despite the harsh edge to my words, I respected and appreciated her. By the look of her, though…

"I'd like to take Nessie."

"Sure." I reluctantly handed her over to Bella. She sat back in the chair, cradling Nessie in both arms. She stared at her face, the rising and falling of her chest for a long time.

Bella shook her head and turned to me. "Wow, that was quite a confession. Is there anything else you'd like to tell me, Rose?"

I hesitated. "Well, yes…"

Bella barked a laugh. "I was joking!"

I shrugged nervously. This was the hardest thing to admit. My compulsion to share my feelings overpowered the pain I felt by the statement and I had to say it aloud. "You know that I've always thought I was the most beautiful vampire in the world."

Understanding passed across her face. Exasperated, she groaned, "Rosalie. Even as a vampire I'm not as beautiful as you. Is that what you're worried about?"

"Oh!" I waved away her comment with my hand. "Oh, I know that! I didn't mean _you_." Bella was so funny sometimes! Did she really think I was talking about her? I mean, Bella was beautiful, of course, but there was no comparison. Okay, that sounded rude, but seriously.

Bella's affronted response morphed into curiosity. "Rose, what are you talking about?"

"I never thought I would honestly say such a thing," I began. I truly didn't. It shocked me, but the funny thing was, I meant it.

"Uh huh…"

I sighed and looked down at the curly-haired treasure in Bella's lap. "You know that beauty existed as my standard for judgment in the world. It comforted me that I could honestly say I was more beautiful than anyone else. I can't say that anymore. I'm no longer the most beautiful vampire in the world. I know Nessie's only half-vampire, but the truth is, she's just as pretty as me."

Bella looked like she was partway between choking and laughing. She swallowed, then smiled. "Yes. She is beautiful, isn't she?"

Lost in concentration from my confession, I didn't hear Edward until he opened the door. Edward entered the cottage, a strange expression on his face, as he shook the rain off his shirt. He glanced at me with both annoyance and amusement, then walked over to Bella to kiss her. He brushed his lips against Renesmee's forehead. Edward straightened and put a hand on Bella's shoulder. Bemused, he asked, "Did you ladies have a good evening?"

"Of course, Edward. Any time with Bella and Nessie is time well spent." I grinned at them both. I hadn't expected such relief from sharing my feelings, even that last part. My chest felt lighter.

"Yes," Bella replied. "It was very…interesting." In a voice she thought I couldn't hear, she muttered to Edward, "You have no idea…"


End file.
